


Afraid

by Anam



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anam/pseuds/Anam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scully walked out without a second glance and began to make her way home. She felt irrational and overwhelmed, not feelings she often indulged which added a further level of discomfort. She started running through all the times Mulder had ducked out over the last few weeks since first meeting Detective Hayley Manella. She thought back to the mornings when he had come in late or the nights he left early. At the time she thought it was strange, as he was usually in the office at all hours. Now it made sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to take some creative license and imagine if there had been someone to threaten the Mulder/Scully dynamic. This takes place some time around season 6, no spoilers.  
> I do not own these characters and have the utmost respect for their creators.
> 
> Reading all the authors on this site inspires me to write. Thank you to all of you, I hope to get up to your levels.

She was waiting for him. Again.

How many times had she been in this exact place before? At a morgue, so late at night it would actually be better described as morning. Waiting for him to call her, or to arrive, to explain the facts as he saw them.  
She glanced at the clock, 2.37am.

'What the hell am I doing?' Scully pulled down her mask and took off her gloves, throwing them onto the neat line of untouched scalpels.

Mulder pushed through the doors and unlike her, he didn't look exhausted.

'Find anything?' Mulder asked as he breezed in and to her side.

Scully stared at him in disbelief, as anger flashed in her eyes.

'Did I find anything? Mulder, I have been waiting here for two hours! You told me not to start without you, where were you?'

She was tired and annoyed, not a good combination.

He looked away from her and to the body of the deceased man on the table.

'Well, I'm here now so let's get started.' 

He was trying to ignore her annoyance. But she knows him too well, neither of them could deny that - he was keeping something from her. Scully stood her ground. She knew he would cave, her tired eyes waiting for an answer.

'I'm sorry, I got held up with Detective Manella. I didn't realise how late it was -- Shall I make the first slice?'

'Manella? She's not on this case. Why would you be speaking to her at this time of night?'

Mulder took a deep inhale of breath and started to fiddle with the scale at the end of the gurney. He was unable to look Scully in the eye as he continued to speak. 

'It wasn't about the case. I'm sort of... we're dating.'

Mulder has said a lot of things that have shocked Scully over the years. There has been a gambit of insane theories and bizarre assumptions that gave him his 'Spooky' nickname in the bureau. Part of her loved how he would surprise her and make her ask the big questions. But now, in this instant she was experiencing the literal form of the word shock.  
She felt like she couldn't move, could she even breathe?

She came back to herself as quickly as she'd left, with new resolve.

'Fine.' 

Her tone giving away that she was anything but.

'Fine? Scully?'

He stared at her, the silence was deafening. 

'Let's just get this done so I can go the hell home and you can go back to your girlfriend. Shall we?'

Scully performed the autopsy with precision. Ever the professional she took all that she was feeling and it went into her work. There were times when she forgot Mulder was even in the the room. He allowed her her space and quietly watched her work. Mulder tried to keep his focus on the case and not the anger his partner was obviously feeling towards him.

The autopsy finished with no answers or further clues. 

'My medical opinion is that this man died of a heart attack. Good night Mulder.'

Scully walked out without a second glance and began to make her way home. She felt irrational and overwhelmed, not feelings she often indulged which added a further level of discomfort. She started running through all the times Mulder had ducked out over the last few weeks since first meeting Detective Hayley Manella. She thought back to the mornings when he had come in late or the nights he left early. At the time she thought it was strange, as he was usually in the office at all hours. Now it made sense.

Scully paused and realised she hadn't been paying attention to where she was going, she unknowingly had passed her car three blocks ago. Taking deliberate steps and conscious breaths Scully tried to calm herself. When she arrived at her apartment she showered, grabbed a wine glass and a bottle of red.

It was late but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. 

____________________________________

Scully awoke with a start.  
Where was she?  
Couch.  
Wine.  
Noise.  
Headache. 

Her phone was ringing. 

Scully cleared her throat before answering but she still sounded hoarse and sleepy.

'Yeah, Scully here.'

'I know I kept you waiting last night but I thought you'd at least come into work today.' 

'Sorry Mulder, I slept in. I'm on my way.'

As Scully scurried to get ready she decided last night was a one time blip on the radar. Okay two or three time, but it is rare she drowns her sorrows. 

She decided it was best not to tease out why hearing that her co-worker was dating someone sent her into such a tailspin, she vowed to put it behind her. Even though she knew calling him her co-worker wasn't an accurate description of their relationship. They had been working together for over six years. From cats to cancer, aliens to arachnids she had never spent more time with anyone. She also had never been challenged, trusted or cared for in such a way. 

On the way into work Scully allowed herself to think back to the first time she arrived into the basement of the FBI building and Mulder's office. On first meeting she had been surprised how attractive she found him. Not one for girlfriends, she clearly missed the office gossip where women had described his handsome features. 

She pulled into the parking garage and found she was smiling, thinking about Mulder. He is one of the most important people in her life. He deserves happiness. 

As she got into the elevator somewhere inside of her, a small voice echoed, 'but with who?' 

 

_________________________________

Mulder was pondering the night before and the reaction of his partner. Was she jealous or just annoyed that she had been kept waiting? It certainly wasn’t fair of him to leave Scully in the morgue while he tended to urges he'd rather not discuss with her. Although he has no difficulty in sharing any and all of his ‘out there’ ideas, he's never felt comfortable speaking about woman with her. Not that there have been many to speak of. And he has no interest in hearing about men from her, so why would she want to hear about his love life?

He laughed to himself, ‘love life’ is definitely not the right term, his love and life seem to only revolve around… he heard the click of Scully’s heels down the hall.

Scully entered their office and Mulder thought she looked tired and immediately felt guilty for the night before. 

'Hey Scully, I want to apologise about last night. It was incredibly unprofessional to just leave you waiting. It wasn't my intention...' 

'It's fine. I'm sorry I was late.'

'We're both sorry. Shall we get back to this case? I know the autopsy didn’t give us anything concrete. But I found three other possible victims in Vermont. All men died from suspected heart attacks and all had this business card in their wallet.'

Mulder held up a thick, entirely black business card. On one side it had the face of Baphomet indented in the centre, on the other side in white it read: 'θα δοθεί όλες οι απαντήσεις’. 

Scully took it and examined it. ‘What does it say?’

Mulder continued and forgot any awkwardness from the night before. He pulls out another file, filled with photos of statues, ceremonies and esteemed politicians. This is what he loves, this hunt is what drives him.

“It’s Greek and reads, ‘All answers shall be given.’ And did you notice Baphomet? He’s a deity that in present the day is usually associated with all things occult. When in reality his history goes as far back as the Pagan’s.” 

“Mmmhmm. But the common misconception is that he is a bringer of evil. When in reality all representations of him are about balance as he’s an androgynous being. And those who worship him believe he will bring forth universal balance and eventually enlightenment.” 

Mulder stared blankly at his partner as a smile spread across his face. He was once again reminded how she could surprise him with her equally vast knowledge of the paranormal. 

Scully began ruffling through the files Mulder had presented.

“Mulder, where are you going with this? And why do you have a photo of the secretary of state, and the director of the CIA, and is this the British Prime Minister?”

She held the silence and a saw the look in his eyes that gave her a familiar uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach - wild goose chase. 

“I think the deaths of these men are linked to the Illuminati... now bear with me Scully. All of the deceased shared some connection to the powerful men in these photos. Either from work, university or even family. Charles, the man you autopsied last night, his brother is married to Sarah Blair, the British Prime Minister’s sister.”

“The Illuminati? Mulder.” 

There was concern in her voice and scepticism in her eyes, this is the height of crazy conspiracy theories. She continued, knowing that once Mulder has something in mind he’s incredibly difficult to convince otherwise.

“First of all Mulder, what makes you think that the Illuminati even exists? Or that these men are a part of it? And if these men were part of one large, secret, planet wide group do you really think they would carry around a recognisable business card in their pockets? It wouldn’t be much of a secret if all you needed was to find one little black card.”

Scully shook her head and was ready to continue when there was a knock on the opened door which surprised both of the agents. No one ever comes down to the basement.

“Ah, hey Fox. Sorry to visit you at work. I just had some thoughts on this case that I wanted to share.”

It was Detective Manella. 

Haley Manella was beautiful, intelligent and strong, she had a presence which made Scully feel immediately intimidated. She could command a room with her strength as well as her beauty. She was taller and darker than Scully, with defined muscles and long dark hair tied in a low ponytail. Scully and Mulder met her while working with the local authorities a couple of weeks prior on a possible X-File in DC. At the time Scully thought the detective was helpful, although she was not comfortable with the glances that were shared between her and Mulde; or the numerous times Hayley seemed to want to have a quiet word with him.

Having that woman stand in their office was too much for Scully to handle. The way Mulder seemed to be so uncomfortable with the detective reminded Scully of a love struck school boy. Which in turn, for the second time in as many days, made Scully feel like she couldn’t breathe.

Mulder stood in his office dumfounded and uncomfortable. He was not expecting these two women to meet again and he certainly wasn’t expecting to see Hayley again so soon. Although a beautiful woman, she was just a distraction. One to keep the loneliness away, which would be fine if she was the one that he dreamt about at night. But she wasn’t. 

“Oh hey there, um, yeah. Wanna grab a coffee and you can tell me what you've found?”

“Sure. Hey Agent Scully, sorry I kept Fox away last night.”

“Mmhmm, I’m sure.”

The silence filled the room and spaces between them. All Mulder could do was look at Scully, she gave him a glance that conveyed hurt and betrayal. While Detective Manella just found the whole thing awkward and wanted to leave.

“Fox, Coffee?”

“Yes. Let’s go, see you later Scully.”

As Mulder walked away leading Haley out of the office he thought about the rare occasions when Scully has been in a room with someone who was attracted to him. He found it endearing how jealous she would get. He always thought it was because they had each others back and someone else might jeopardise that. Now he allowed himself to hope that it was something else entirely.

Scully sat in the office, found some freshly sharpened pencils and threw them like torpedos into the ceiling. When she ran out of pencils she grabbed some of the files that were on the desk. It was excruciating being there, sitting in the dark office alone so she left. Scully spent the afternoon trying to work from home. She had opened and closed her laptop a couple of times, accomplishing very little research. Her thoughts were elsewhere… 

Her and Mulder have never been great at telling each other how they feel. From the moment their eyes met after the Pfaster case and she cried in his arms, she felt like they could convey so much with a look. 

Years of words unspoken she now regretted. 

Scully imagined if she was ever to lose Mulder it would be to his cause, his endless search for the truth. Maybe he would lose himself in the darkness and would go to a place that she couldn’t follow. Now a bleak and terrifying reality started to engulf her. What if she were to lose him to another? What if those moments they shared, where he called her his constant and touchstone were fleeting expressions? Why hadn’t she been honest with herself or him? Why had she scoffed when he said that he loved her, or never again spoken about the near kiss in his hallway? She remembers all of these moments so clearly, they made an impact. They are important and she let them pass, fearing what would happen if she followed through.

Scully allowed herself almost an hour more of questioning everything that had lead to her feeling so alone. Then she took a deep breath and dove into research on the Illuminati even though she felt it really had nothing to do with the case. She rolled her eyes reading about all the absurd theories surrounding this possible organisation. Then she smiled, the man she’d put herself on the line for most likely believes a lot of the same.

______________________________________

“Scully.”

“Hey Scully, it’s Mulder. Are you busy?”

“Kind of, did you know Angelina Jolie is an alleged member of the Illuminati?”

Mulder could hear Scully's smile through the phone and couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.

“You’re working on the case? I was just wondering if I could come over.”

“Sure. Are you okay Mulder? Your voice sounds funny.”

“I’m fine, can I come over?”

“Sure, see you soon.”

Mulder arrived at Scully’s apartment and took a deep breath before he knocked. He has faced serial killers and had less adrenaline flowing through his veins. 

When she opened the door Scully’s eyes went wide.

“Mulder, what the hell happened to your face?!”

He sighed and walked in.

“It's nothing but do you have some ice?”

Scully quickly went to the kitchen, put some ice cubes in a dish cloth and gently placed it on Mulder’s swollen lip. As they sat down on the couch she got a proper look at him. Mulder was right, it wasn't that bad the hallway lighting had made it look worst than it was. But he obviously had been hit, he had a small cut on his lip and some light bruising on his cheek. 

As Scully held the pouch of ice to Mulder’s face he placed his hand on top of hers. They locked eyes and all the mix of emotions Scully had been feeling fell away. This is why we don’t talk, she thought to herself; we don’t need too.

Mulder grinned as he lightly shook his head.

“Mulder, what the hell happened?”

“I went to grab coffee with Detective Manella.” 

Scully looked away and removed her hand from under Mulder’s.

The silence stretched as they sat, only the sound of cars passing outside filled the room. Mulder stared at Scully while she chose to be engrossed by a spot on the floor in front of her. She didn't want to hear about Mulder spending time with another woman.

Mulder continued.

'My face looks like this because I ended things with Hayley - she didn't take it well. Turns out she has quite the temper.'

Scully couldn't hide the delight on her face. The weight that was lifted from her chest made her feel like she would float off the sofa.

Mulder grinned at her reaction.

'Well I'm glad my pain brings you so much joy Miss Scully.'

Immediately composing herself, Scully sat up straighter and returned a more serious look to her face.

"I'm sorry and I am not basking in your pain. I just can't believe you pissed her off enough for her to lash out so forcefully. What did you say?"

Mulder looked back at his hands and took in a deep breath.

"That’s not important. Are you glad I ended things with her?"

Noticeably surprised by the question Scully paused, unsure of what to say next. Earlier she had wished in these moments she could be more open. Now given the perfect opportunity she was once again tongue tied.

"I... "

Mulder turned to Scully and put his hand on hers. 

"Scully, do you realise how much you mean to me? Years ago when I said you were my 1 in 5 billion I wasn't trying to feed you some line. Over the years your rationalisations and search for scientific evidence has made the x-files and me complete. I would never want to do anything that would jeopardise any of it. And I would give myself over to you fully, in every way, if you'd allow it..."

Scully was trying to maintain her composure as Mulder spoke. Sucking in shallow breaths and hoping the tears weren't obvious in her eyes.

"Detective Manella was a warm body to fill a space that I assumed you wouldn't be comfortable in taking."

Mulder brought one hand up to rub his thumb on Scully’s cheek as a tear slid down her face. Scully leaned into his hand and brushed her lips across his palm.

Mulder’s voice was soft as he continued.

"I went between being worried about your reaction and hopeful that you would have one, which is why I didn't tell you sooner. After seeing what happened last night and today am I right in assuming that you do not like the idea of me with another woman?"

Mulder had just shared his feelings with Scully while also giving her a lifeline in return. All she had to do was admit, out loud that she hated the idea of him with someone else and she could be pulled into safe shores.

She looked away from the intensity in Mulder's eyes and slowly shook her head. She mustered what strength she could and looked back at Mulder as she spoke.

"You see me Mulder. You see me and know me more completely than anyone ever has. It scares me to think that I have no control of that being taken away. Either from outside forces or from our own naivety. And yes, I hate the idea of you with another woman. But I don't know if I can give you everything that you want, without living in the fear that we could lose it all."

Scully watched a mixture of pain, relief and then anger flash across Mulder's face. There was annoyance in his voice as he spoke.

"Let me get this straight, you don't like the thought of me being with someone else but you don't want to be with me because you're afraid? Do you know how many times I thought I had lost you? Do you know how many times I have hated myself, living with the reality that MY quest, MY search had led to your end?! I love you Scully! Your life has been in jeopardy enough times that I am sure the powers-that-be know that as well. So don't feed me some bullshit that what we have can be taken away because it can't. Not by them, not even by you. Because it's the only real truth that I have left to believe in!"

Mulder grabbed his coat and stormed towards the exit. Scully quickly grabbed his arm before he was able to touch the handle and leave.

"Mulder."

Scully's voice sounded like a whisper compared to the volume Mulder's had just reached. She was standing behind him as he faced the door, watching his back rise and fall with each breath. She slowly pulled his arm so he had to turn and look at her. They were both trembling. 

With Scully's left hand still on Mulder's arm she used her right to grab his jacket. She went to pull it away from him but Mulder used it as an invitation to wrap his arm around her waist and slowly the space between them got smaller and smaller. Their bodies were pressed together, lungs sharing the same hot air. 

Dropping the jacket Scully scanned Mulder’s face, she wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, one thumb gently caressing his bottom lip. She pulled him close and before she brushed her lips against his she gently whispered:

“I believe in us too and I don’t want to be afraid anymore.

End.


End file.
